New Life

Assalamualaikum . I just hoping to update my blog weekly but I just have nothing to share about. Maybe I can’t write, or maybe I don’t have any idea in my mind whenever it comes to writing. It’s just not my nature to write.

Many things gonna change in my life next month because I’m not going to live alone anymore. I’ll be staying with my sisters and I do think it’s a good idea when it comes to live with family. One of the reason is they can control us even I prefer not to be control but I’m not even a social guy and I bet it’s not a biggie for me. But family is all I got so it’s a good start for me.

When I think back about my independent life back then, I experienced living without family since my high school and speaking the truth I like that better. When I’m around my family, I feel that I’m being controlled and I hate that even I know my mom love me so much but I bet many guys just like me. We just don’t like it. At hostel school, I feel more freedom because I can hang out with guys, talking our stuff, learn about friendship, studying with them and do many things together and it was fun and new to me. As I can picture myself back then, I’m a guy with nothing special and I guess until today I just a nothing guy. Please don’t say me worthless I might be hurt.

After school, I still live at hostel but it’s a bit different environment from before. As a college guy, looking quite geek at first but manage to find good friends and they all accept me as the way I am and I’m not feel down whenever I’m with them as I’m being myself all the time and that's what make me happy. And I still feel a tie within all of my friends there. It’s not much but I just can feel it and I still do keep in contact with them.

After college, I’m staying at home and working there for a while and it was okay at first but something just missing whenever I’m home. I mean I just don’t fit living there. As I said before, I hate being controlled. Then, one friend of mine asking to seek a job at the big town and that was when a real independent life of me begin. I mean I’m not using my parent’s money anymore and I need to seek it for myself. It’s a hard journey for a young guy like me that have no experience to begin and lack of many things and that was the hardest part of my life. I keep seeking for a job that can fit me but until now I still don’t find it. It just something wrong somewhere with me. But now, even the job isn’t fit well with me I still can breathe. Even not too well, but it’s enough for me to be grateful to Allah.

The other thing about my life next month is I’m going to study again after almost than two years I left. I wonder how can I face this challenge again. Plus, I’m doing the part time program which is I don’t need to attend class as much as before but I have to manage my time to balance between study and work. The two hard tasks that going to make me headache soon. But I believe in myself that I can do it. I gonna make it and God please make me strength. Amin.